Back at Work

Its been two four day weeks back at work now. Things are going pretty well, crazy mostly, but overall alright. We are getting into a routine at home, trying to make things gel as well as possible, and so far we are tripping and stumbling our way through it.
I like being back at school, teaching, seeing the kids, using my brain. The problem right now is that there is no planning time. I leave the house at 7am so I have about 45min at school to get ready for the day. Then the bell rings and I'm off. I teach, pump through morning break, teach two classes back to back, pump at lunch and then I beat it out the door to get home so Phil can get to work. Once I am home I usually have no interest or energy to think about school, at least not until later in the evening. I am practicing letting go of a lot of my own expectations of myself for awhile. Trying to accept my limitations and just do what I can with what I have. I think it will turn out alright.

Phil and August are having an awesome time hanging out at home together. They have their routine down pat. I have to say it is hard to leave in the mornings, I want to stay in bed and soak up the love, but once the bell rings I am off and running. I get home around 1:30 and Phil leaves for his job at Waiakea, but thankfully, he is home pretty early and we all enjoy the evening together.
I am sure I will have more to report as this grand experiment rolls on.....

Welcome Aunties!

Aunty Ellie and Aunty Maddie have arrived! Hooray!!!!

Last Thursday Ellie and Maddie arrived from Minnesota and moved in with us. We have been eagerly awaiting their arrival as the first family members to meet August in person. We went over to Kona to pick the girls up last week and on the way stopped at Kua Bay. It was a beautiful sunny day and we lubed August up with sunscreen, stripped him down and took him into the ocean. It was not our first time in the ocean, but it was definitely the warmest water we had been in. He seemed to enjoy himself at the beach, and Phil and I were happy to get in the water and be in the sunshine.

Having Maddie and Ellie here has been a blessing. Aside from enjoying there presence in our lives, it is great to have extra hands to hold, and hug, and help. August is surrounded by so much love, it makes me happy. I can't wait to see what this year brings as we grow as a family.

Breastfeeding is Beautiful

With one week left of maternity leave, I look back over the last 8 weeks and realize that breastfeeding has been one of my favorite parts of being a new mother. Not that it has been easy; the sore nipples, immobilization, and sometimes isolation from social settings, but overall it has been a wonderful, beautiful experience.

My favorite time to nurse is at night. With the crib against the bed, midnight feedings consist of simply rolling over, pulling him out of his crib, and laying him next to me. Most of the time we fall asleep right there next to each other, and it isn't until hours later that I wake up and put him back in his crib. I love cuddling next to him, rubbing his back and fine hair, and in the mornings just gazing at him. It is truly a peaceful time.

Over the weeks, I have become a more brave and less modest breastfeeder in public. I have to thank my community of friends for being so supportive and helping me to feel comfortable. Being able to feed around them without worry of scrutiny has helped me be more brave in public spaces when they are not around. My biggest public challenge to date would have to be our shopping trip to Walmart. It was busy as usual, and we were moving so we had a lot of little things to get for our new apartment. August had done really well throughout the shopping experience until the very end when he got hungry and started wailing. I was going to take him out to the car to nurse, but when I got to the door and looked out the window it was a torrential downpour outside. So now with a screaming baby in a busy store I had to find a place to nurse. I found that the opthalmology department was fairly quiet, so I snagged a chair and brought it to the corner for a little privacy and a view out of the store where I could see Phil when he passed. I was still very much in the public eye, and whipping out my breast was strange and embarrassing, but once we started nursing, and August was happy, I found that I didn't really care about anyone else. I had a little scarf with me that I used for some modesty, but clearly I was nursing. When I finished, and got packed up to go, I got some pretty serious stink eye from that doctor at the store. Apparently nursing in public still is a bit taboo, but he has no idea how helpful it was to have a spot to sit and nurse in the middle of a busy, hectic environment. So that, I suppose, was my initiation to nursing in public. I am glad for it, because now it doesn't seem like such a big deal.

Pumping presents a whole new dynamic to breastfeeding. It was hard for me to accept this technology as it reduces you to essentially cow-like status, but I have come to appreciate the flexibility it affords. I have been pumping for a couple of weeks now, stockpiling some for when I go back to work, and bottle feeding with the rest. We have gotten into a routine now where Phil takes August in the mornings, allowing me a few more moments of sleep, and feeds him from a bottle. The bottle feeding has been a little bit of a challenge, but for the most part successful. Pumping has also allowed me to have back a few moment just for me. I have been able to get back on my bike and take a ride as well as attend a few yoga classes. Next week will present a whole new level of pumping activity as I go back to work. I am nervous because it is one more thing to juggle in an already hectic schedule. I think I just need to make it a priority above all else, lock my door during morning and lunch breaks, and say "no" when needed. A friend suggested a strange contraption that I immediately ordered. It is a hands-free nursing bra in which the pump zips into the bra so you can pump while multi-tasking. This advice comes from a fellow teacher and mother who pumped when she went back to work, so I am excited to see what it will do for me.

Aside from some of the logistical challenges that breastfeeding presents, I feel extremely fortunate to be able to breastfeed August. The bonding time is real and palatable. It helps me practice patience and selflessness, and for that I am thankful.

Good Morning August!

Here are a couple of videos we took of August over a few mornings. He is definitely growing fast, and everyday it seems like he is doing something new. We had a doctor's appointment on Monday and has grown to 22 3/4 inches and weighs in at 10lbs 8oz. To his mother's delight, he is in the 90th percentile for length and 75th percentile for weight. Although he is blond and blue eyed, I think he will be tall and skinny like his dad.
Some of the fun changes that have been occurring over the last couple weeks include standing and bouncing while held, and smiling. The smiling development has been great! We were worried that he was living up to the nickname we have given him; Grumpy Gus, but he seems to be a happy, smiley baby when he isnt hungry.

Our Favorite Baby Gadgets

In the last few weeks Phil and I have definitely found the gems within our baby arsenal that make life a little easier and more enjoyable. I am sure this list will change and morph as we August does, but for now here are our top choices for happy living with an infant.

Katie's Top Three Infant Gadgets:

Earth Mama's Natural Nipple Butter:
A total life savor. Cool and refreshing on the nipples. I think I used half the jar in the first two days of breast feeding. Made of all natural ingredients, it is safe for the baby to consume so there is no worry about when you apply it or needing to wipe it off when feeding.

Mini Shower Diaper Sprayer:
This little invention is a natural companion for cloth diapering. The mini sprayer attaches to the toilet and allows you to rinse dirty diapers right into the toilet. It has worked great for us. We just rinse the junk into the toilet, ring the diaper out, and throw it into the diaper pail until we have enough for a full load (about every other day we do a wash of diapers). It is a superb accessory for the cloth diapering venture.

The Boppy:
The Boppy is a 3/4, donut shaped cushion that is totally invaluable to everyday proceedings with an infant. It is perfect for breastfeeding as it brings baby right up to breast level. It is also great for propping baby up in a seated position, or practice on their tummies. We have found it helpful when August doesnt want to be put down, but dinner is ready and on the table. He can hang out on the Boppy, be close to the skin, but allow us to have our hands free to eat.



Phil's Top Infant Gadgets

Graco Travel System:
The travel system is a combo carseat and stroller. The great thing about getting a travel system is that the car seat fits into the stroller without having to take baby out of the car seat and transfer them into the stroller. We have enjoyed many walks with the stroller, which also has a basket on the bottom to store the diaper bag, and cup holders for Mom and Dad's coffee. The best part is we got it off of Craig's list from a couple moving back to the main land. A steal of a deal and a totally helpful gadget.

The Boob: This one explains itself!

3 weeks with August

August is almost 3 weeks old already! Life has definitely changed in the last 3 weeks, and oddly, it is still very much the same. Phil and I are adjusting to the joys and rigors of life with an infant, and August, I am sure, is adjusting to life in this wide world.
What amazes me is just how different every day can be. Some days August is happy and ready to go out and do errands with me, and some days we don't leave the house. Some days he sleeps for hours, and other days it is hard to get him to sleep for an hour at a time. Some days there seems to be a pattern in his behavior, but most days we are just bewildered about what he wants or needs and what will come next.

August is certainly growing and is a very good eater. It is so funny to watch him get revved up to eat. First he starts to suck ferociously on his hands, fingers, and wrists. If you are holding him, he might also use a shoulder to satisfy his suckling needs. Then when the boob is offered, he gets so excited he doesn't know what to do with himself. He arms go up, he starts to coo, and I have to almost strap him down to focus him enough to start eating.

August is also a baby with a thousand different facial expressions, all of which he has no control over. Phil and I can never tell what is about to come, because his face can go from a smile to a wail in a nano second. He has this coy face, and a stern face, an anxious face, and an excited face. We have been trying to capture some of these looks on film, but by the time the flash goes off, his expression has totally changed.

So far Phil and I are having a good time - getting through the challenging moments, and savoring the precious moments. We are set to move here in a week or so and are hoping that August will cooperate to help us make it a successful venture. I am very happy that I will not be starting back to work until the end of August, so I will have plenty of time to get settled and spend time with this little guy.

Introducing to you......

August Kamanakai Koessler
Born Tuesday June 24th, 2008, 10:35 pm
Weight: 7lbs 9oz
Length: 19 inches


Now that we are home and settled I will attempt to record the events that led up to August's birth. I was warned to write it down quickly as the details rapidly start to fade, and I already find that to be true only four days after his birth. Overall, it was a long journey, full of ups and downs, but one that I savor every minute of.

Monday, June 23rd: Phil and I went to bed Sunday night around 10:30 after attending the lovely wedding and reception of our friends Cam and Lisa. I woke up around midnight with sore hips as usual, and as I tried to work it out in bed I felt the overwhelming urge to pee. By the time I got to the toilet I had water streaming down my legs. " Oh my gosh!" I thought, "its happening,my water broke." As soon I thought it was safe I went to the bedroom to tell Phil, but barely made it there before I had to turn around again as more liquid spilled out of me. We were so excited. Phil, still in a sleep stooper was understandably confused about what the he should then do. After a cleansing breath, he hopped into action calling our midwife, the top of our phone tree, tidying up the apartment and beginning to set up the birthing tub. Once I stopped gushing I started to pack a "just in case" hospital bag. In retrospect, it is humorous at how fast we got everything together and ready for something that was still almost two days away. Around 1am my contractions began. This was exciting because they were the first real contractions I had felt. They started about 10minutes apart and progressed to about 5 min apart by 6am. After we got the through the business of preparation, we were able to get a few hours of sleep before morning.

Our midwife came over around 8am after delivering another baby in Waimea. Upon examination she determined that I was only 60% effaced and about 2cm dilated. The baby was still sitting pretty high, and we were told to hunker down for a long day.

So Phil and I did our best to stay positive and active. Phil made a nutritious breakfast, we walked the driveway, watched a few movies, and played cribbage. My contractions were definitely present, but manageable, and had slowed to between 8 and 10 minutes apart. We were certainly waiting for something to happen but were enjoying the time together. Around 5pm that afternoon, our midwife came back to check on us. Examination indicated that not much progress had been made during the day. This was definitely frustrating news, but we were not discouraged. We were told that because the membranes had ruptured, we were concerned about possible infection, but as we had been monitoring baby's heart rate all day, and my temperature as well, nothing was indicating signs of stress. She left telling us to get as much rest as possible and we she would be back in the morning.

Monday night, early Tuesday morning was perhaps the most challenging night I have ever had. I went to bed that night with contractions coming about every 8 minutes. I wasn't able to sleep through them, but rather I would wake as they were coming on, move through them, and then doze in the space between. Because Phil had been at my side through almost every contraction during the day, in addition to getting me water, reminding me to do things, making food, etc. I really wanted to allow him as much sleep as possible, because I knew he would have another big day on Tuesday. I wanted to only wake him if I really needed him, and thus get through the night on my own. It was challenging because laying on my side allowed me a certain degree of sleep, but the contractions were much more intense. Sitting up felt better, but was tiring on my sacrum and pelvis. Contractions certainly strengthened during the night and I had to go deep into myself to stay focused and accept the pain as progress. I visualized the contractions as waves rolling over my body, I welcomed the contractions on a deep inhale, and released the pain on each exhale, I imagined my mind separated from my body, and I talked my body through the progress it was sure to be making. I got out of bed several times to walk around, use the bathroom, and eat. The hours between midnight and 5am were the longest and hardest. I thought I had done alright until Phil woke up in the morning and I lost it. I cried harder that morning than I have all pregnancy. I was surprised too, because I had worked so hard to stay strong during the night, but sometimes I think you don't realize how lonely and dark a situation is until its not anymore. Phil did a wonderful job consoling me and working through the next set of contractions together. Leaning against his chest I was again able to melt into the rhythmic patterns of his breathing, and sensations of his touch.

Tuesday, June 24th: After the hard night, I was hopeful that some progress had been made. Our midwife came over that morning and reported that indeed progress had been made, but nowhere near what we needed. At 7am , I was 3cm dilated and fully effaced, and baby had dropped into my pelvis. We had been checking baby's heartrate regularly, as well as my temperature to make sure there was no infection or stress, and since all signs seemed positive we hunkered down for another day of laboring and hoped things would start to happen. So Tuesday happened much like Monday. Throughout the night my contractions had become a steady 5minutes apart and continued at this frequency throughout the day. The intensity however, certainly increased.It was like the volume being turned up.

I have to give Phil much thanks and praise here. He was the jack of all labor-coaching trades. When he wasn't getting me something to eat or drink, making me more comfortable, distracting me with games, walking the driveway with me, reminding me to pee- he was breathing through each and every contraction with me, offering new positions, and stroking my hair, neck and back. Without him, my laboring at home would have been drastically shorter in duration.

Around 5pm, our midwife returned. Despite all the hard work we had done throughout the day, no further progress had been made. We were told that we clearly had a case of
'failure to progress", and it might be time to consider utilizing tools that the hospital could provide. Phil and I took some time to come to terms with this reality. We knew that once we got to the hospital, our peaceful atmosphere would change, so we took our time preparing to leave. At this point, my contractions were strong and I was both physically and emotionally tired. I was sad to leave home, and give up the idea of a home birth, but I was also ready to move more definitively toward the finish line. So, after 44 hours of laboring at home, we headed to Hilo Medical Center.

We walked through the doors of Hilo Medical Center at 8pm. By 8:30 we were up in our room. As anticipated, things started moving really fast. I was put in a bed and strapped down with fetal monitors. They wanted to do a stress test on the baby to see where he was at. Phil and I elected to fudge the time of my water breaking to hopefully keep us in a mode of investigation and decision making, versus an emergent mode. We said that the water had broken that morning and we had been laboring at home. They were not thrilled with this news to say the least. They became very concerned with infection and started me on an IV. Then, when the baby's heart rate was in the higher ranges of their comfort zone they gave me an oxygen mask. So much for birth plan or discussing options, it was apparently go time. By 9:15 the OBGYN on call was up in our room assessing the data. He immediately advocated for a cesarean section in light of the the baby's heart rate patterns, and the duration in which the bag of waters had been broken. When we asked when he thought this might happen, he informed us that we should waste no time and he would assemble the team immediately.

Phil and I were floored. We knew this could be a possibility, but we could have never imagined that it could become a reality so soon after arriving. We asked for a moment alone to discuss our options, which they were reluctant to give us , but they did leave the room for all of 3 minutes. We looked at each other with expressions that could only be interpreted as "What the hell is going on here?" It was intense to say the least. We realized that this might be the end of the road; if 44 hours wasn't enough to do it, then perhaps more time at the hospital would accomplish anything more. We were also under the influence of phrases such as " brain damage" and "infection", and certainly we did not want to do any harm. So, after our allowed 3 minutes of conversation, we conceded to the surgery. At least, we knew, we would be meeting our little one very shortly.

When we arrived at the hospital they had given us a Power of Medical Attorney form which we were thankful for since it was one of the details we just hadn't covered, but wanted to. Now that surgery was imminent, we wanted to make sure that Phil could make decisions on my behalf in case of any complications with surgery. Phil jumped into action and called our friends JP and Mike, who flew down to the hospital to bear witness to the document. As that was happening, I was being prepped for surgery. All of a sudden there were 6 people in the room, all poking and prodding me and asking me questions. I was still having contractions, just as strong, and at frequent intervals, but at this point no one would pause to let me work through them. These were by far the most difficult contractions of the whole experience. I was so scared, and uncomfortable, and out of control of what was happening to me that much of the experience seems lost in a fog - as though not happening to me at all. They wheeled me into the operating room which was so bright and cold. I started to shiver almost uncontrollably. They brought me warm blankets to put around my shoulders as they inserted the epidural into my lower back. Within minutes I couldn't feel anything from my diaphragm down. My legs felt like dead tree stumps that were only peripherally apart of my body. Phil was watching all of this through the operating door window, trying not to lose it, as he was prepped in gown, mask, and hat. The surgical sheet was lifted so I could no longer see below my chest. Phil came in and sat directly to my left, held and kissed my hand and kept eye contact with me. The surgeons discussed where to get the best pizza on island as they began the surgery. Phil and I felt the table shake and doctors say "Wow, he is really wedged in here!" and then a loud, long, boisterous roar rang out as August was delivered from the womb at 10:35pm! Phil left me to go over to where they were assessing him, and soon he was at my side again holding our son. As happy and excited as I was, it was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I couldn't quite hold on the what was happening or who that was in front of me. Soon Phil and the baby left for the nursery as I got sewn up and sent down to recovery. I got so shaky from the cold, or the experience, or the meds that they gave me Demerol which made me sleepy. I was in recovery for about an hour while feeling came back to my lower body.

I was wheeled up to my room to find Phil holding a beautiful baby boy in his arms. His mouth was moving rapidly in a sucking/feeding motion and Phil said "Its about time, Mom, there is someone here who wants to see you". Phil handed him off to me and I put him to my breast where he immediately and effortlessly latched on and went to town. I was grateful that the hospital staff has abstained from giving him a bottle while I was in recovery so we could have that bonding experience together. At this time, it was a little after 12:30 in the morning. We spent the rest of the night in each others arms, I don't think baby spent one minute in the bassinet until well into the next day.

We spent the next 48 hours in the hospital, recovering, relaxing, and getting to know each other in our new role as family. Phil was happy when we were assigned a second night in the hospital because he said that would ensure that I relax and recover. After the surgery I was sore, but not in as much pain as expected. The nursing staff was so nice and accommodating, we were very pleased with our care after the surgery. Although a cesarean was the last thing that Phil or I envisioned for ourselves, we have no regrets because we were able to labor at home together for as long was safe. We did our best, and we did it together, and at the end of the day, we have a beautiful little boy staring up at us who is all kinds of wonderful.

Cancer

Bean will now be born under the sign of Cancer the Crab (June 22 - July 22)

At the coffee shop today I was reading the horoscopes in the newspaper and Bean's weekly horoscope is exciting and appropriate:

" See beyond the obvious and then act. There is always more to know"

I think this is a good sign of things to come this week!!!!

So what does the zodiac for tell about Bean? Well, according the very authoritative experts on the web:
- Cancer is a water sign
- Attributes of a cancer include emotional and loving, intuitive and imaginative, shrewd and cautious, protective and sympathetic
- Cancers can be contradictory in nature, and prone to moodiness
- Cancers have strong relationships and value family

Waiting, waiting, waiting.....

Happy Solstice everyone! We are now +5 days past due, doing well, and totally ready for Bean's arrival!
This has been a bit of a trying week, but overall I am doing well. Phil started teaching summer school on Monday, so this week has been all about staying active and busy and keeping my spirits up.
We saw our midwife on Monday, which went well. I dodn't seem to be progressing too much at that point - about 60% effaced and maybe 1cm dilated. She sent us home with a fetal heart rate monitor so that we could be keeping track of his health and make sure he is not getting stressed. So far so good, his heart rate has been mostly hanging out around 140 which is right in the middle of the normal range. He has also been incredibly active. Even as he runs out of room in the uterus, he is rolling, stretching, and poking me most of the day and night through.
The downer of the week came on Thursday when I went into the clinic to see the OBGYN. My doctor is out of town so I saw someone new and I left with doubts, anxiety, and frustration. In what we have come to accept as the normal repertoire of Kaiser, I was asked to schedule an induction and then felt bullied when I declined to do so. The part that irks me is not that they asked to schedule an induction, but that it was done so with no information provided, no whys explained, no options or alternatives offered, and when I explained that we wanted to wait a little longer, I was made to feel like I had already failed the first test of parenthood.
Phil was again a champion in the face of this emotional setback of mine. He was upset that he wasn't able to be at that appointment with me, but will be at our next appointment so we can work through the system together. He is incredibly confident in our choices, and is not in the least bit concerned about our past due status.
So, for now, I am resigned to be patient and positive and not let the calendar get the best of me. I am filling the mornings with walking and water aerobics at the Y, and when Phil gets home in the afternoons we spend good time together. So until Bean comes, I'll just keep on keeping on.

Happy Father's Day

This post is dedicated to all the wonderful fathers that have touched my life. Happy Father's Day Dad, Grandpa Rodge, Uncle Jim and Uncle Bill, John, Sam, Martin, Mark, and especially to my love Phil.

This is a particularly special Father's Day for me for several reasons. First, I get to celebrate the father of my soon to be born son, Phil. I am certain that if there was a contest with a category for best soon-to-be-dad, Phil would blow all competition out of the water. I feel so fortunate and truly blessed to have a man in my life who is as enthusiastic and supportive of this pregnancy and our upcoming parenthood as he is. When I expressed interest in doing a home birth, Phil was on board, but with the condition that if we were to do it, we had to do it right. That meant attending Bradley Method classes (so highly recommended!), eating nutritiously (Phil has been chef extrodinare for months), doing our exercises (Are you Kegeling?), and asking all the right questions at our doctors appointments. With Phil as my coach I feel prepared and excited to give birth. I feel excited to have a child and to be a parent. I am excited to do it all with Phil. So on this Father's Day, I say thank you to you honey, for everything you are to me, and for everything you do for me. You are going to be a wonderful dad!

The second reason this has been a special Father's Day is that this is my official due date!!! Cause for celebration, for sure, but not something that I am giving too much weight. I am excited that I have crossed this imaginary threshold of pregnancy where the end is undoubtedly in sight, but I am cautious not to let the number start playing tricks with my psyche. The truth is, as ready and excited as I am to meet this little guy, I am still alright in my pregnant body. One of the aspects of pregnancy that I have been working hard on throughout, is the patience that is required for this last stretch. I remember running Cross Country in high school and there was a race where you could see the finish line for a good 3/4 to 1/2 mile out and it seemed like the end would never come. It drove me absolutely crazy. I think about that a lot these days, knowing that I don't want to succumb to that same kind of impatience and anxiety of crossing a finish line that is still a little farther down the road. So as this Father's Day and due date come to a close, I feel prepared for anything that might happen, but I am also looking forward to doing water aerobics tomorrow, and taking a walk with Bhama on Tuesday, and maybe getting to some of the craft projects that sit half finished on the shelf! As long as Bean and myself are healthy, and I will let this guy come when he is ready, and welcome him lovingly whenever that might be.

Getting Ready

Five days until the due date! Eeeek! Hooray! Oh Dear! It is definitely a time of excitement, anticipation, and anxiety.

The last week or so has been very enjoyable - cruising with Phil, getting ourselves physically and mentally prepared, and generally having fun and relaxing. A week ago last Saturday we had our home visit with our midwife Jackie. She came over in the morning with her assistant who is also her daughter. They got a chance to see the space and make suggestions, talk through how the birth might likely go, and go through the birthing kit with us. We have since rearranged our space a little bit, moving the bed into the spare room and the futons into our bedroom for a more spacious and less cluttered area.

We also picked up our birthing tub on Friday, the AquaDoula, from a woman in Pahoa who rents hers. I have to say, I am really excited about the birthing tub. Everyone I have talked to who has labored or birthed in water has nothing but rave reviews about it. The tub comes with a sterile, disposable liner, and has a heating unit to keep the water at body temperature. It is about 6 feet in diameter and easily accommodates two adults, so Phil or Jackie will be able to be right there with me.

We did get some interesting news from our OBGYN last week. Apparently he is going on vacation next week and will not be in town over our due date. We have had an interesting relationship with our OB in that they are not supporters of home births so we have kept that fact ourselves for concern that they would no longer see us. The fact that they will be on vacation definitely relieves us of some of anxiety about explaining our choice after the birth - we are now very free to have this birth as we wish without concerns of repercussions from our caregiver (a little silly don't you think?) However, if we didn't have an alternate plan in place, I am pretty sure Phil and I would be pretty upset. When we asked who would deliver in their absence, we were told it could be any number of OB's who might be on call, and that we could not meet with them before the due date. I guess this is one of the main reasons why Phil and I are choosing to do a homebirth with a midwife. We have a guarantee that the time we have put into establishing a relationship with our caregiver will pay off during the delivery. We have someone who knows our wants and needs, and has a report of open communication and collaboration. So we are very thankful that this is working out for the best. If we need to go to the hospital during delivery for any reason, Jackie is committed to accompanying us through the process, even though she can not practice at the hospital. It is reassuring to know that we have an advocate in her regardless of the environment in which we deliver.

Well, back to my relaxing and enjoying a few days of free time before Bean arrives. Today I am going to the farmers market and then to the beach to swim a few laps before I cheer Phil on at the Ultimate field.

May: The Month of Tornadoes

Where has May gone?! Wow, I cant believe this month is coming to a close. If tornadoes are characteristic of the May's weather, then it holds true for my life as well. It has been a busy and fun filled month, and I will take this opportunity to highlight some of the happenings of the month

- Blessingway: As described in the previous post, this was a beautiful day with my ladies of Hawaii. Thanks again to everyone who made this truly a blessed and memorable event for me.

- Phil Graduates from UH Hilo: Yeah Phil! Phil graduated on May 17th from UH Hilo with honors and a degree in Mathematics! It was so much fun to be a part of a graduation event in Hawaii. The ceremony was held in the covered, open air stadium on an absolutely gorgeous Saturday morning. Mauna Kea back dropped the commencement, it was great! Not only did I get to see Phil receive his diploma, but I got to see my friend Dine receive the Chancellor's award for excellence in teaching.

- Family arrives: We were honored this month to have Phil's brother Sam, and sister in law Ladis come and visit us. They arrived the day before Phil's graduation and were able to participate in all of the activities including the party we threw for Phil at Timber and Jeane's. I had to work a lot while they were here, but I did get to hang out with them at after school and over Memorial Day Weekend we went to Pine Trees for a little camping excursion. It was so great to have family visiting and enjoying a little taste of our lives here on the island.

- Finals, St. Joseph Graduation, Pau for the summer! The last two weeks of May were crazy, but good. I had senior finals to prepare and administer the week before Memorial Day, review sessions with all of my non seniors, and general end of the year tasks to complete. Finals went well overall, and I think I graded all my finals in record time!.

And that was May, a crazy and turbulent, but fun month overall. One major bummer for me was having to say goodbye to my good friend Dine as she left the island for Colorado. I wish her the best as she pursues love and life in the Western US! As for Bean, he is doing well on all accounts - growing everyday. Sleep has definitely become more of a burden then before, but now is as good of time as any for that! He is moving a lot, but the movements have changed from distinct kicks to rolling and pushing outward for more room. Its been fun watching and feeling the transitions as we near the end of this journey and on to the next. More soon.....

A Beautiful Blessingway

I am the luckiest woman in the world!!!!

I have been on a high for the last couple of days after the beautiful, wonderful gathering that was thrown for me on Sunday. A big mahalo to my dear friends JeanE, Dine, and Bhama for planning such a superbly wonderful, welcoming and loving event in my honor.

It was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon in Papaikou and I walked into Bhamas abode where I was greeted with orchids, anthuriums, palm branches, candles, shells, beach rocks - all the essentials for a feminine energy bonanza! It was a very peaceful environment, and add the presence of 12 beautiful women, the room was luminescent. I was so amazed at the environment I found myself in that I sat on the floor and wondered "Wow, I wonder who this is all for?", not even conscious of the thrown meant for me.

I got the royal treatment - a warm foot bath with lava rocks and orchids, massage with essential oils, a pedicure, and original artwork on my belly with henna by Sara. All the women brought a bead that had a meaning to them which they shared as they tied it to a two-tiered, dream catcher mobile made by Sarah K and JeanE. I am so excited to hang it up, it is so beautiful and so full of meaning and story. The theme of the day was, appropriately, creation. We took time to mediate on this idea and think about how we were all creating something in our lives. It was a great experience to sit with these women and hear their stories, goals and dreams.

I feel so truly blessed to have found myself in the company of these wonderful women I call friends. I could have never imagined, leaving Minnesota, that it would be possible to find a community of women like this out in the middle of the Pacific. Thank you JeanE, Dine, Bhama, Mo, Amy, Cory, Sara, Pam, Bridget, Sarah, Keiko, Kim, Meredith, Heather and Mindy for being a part of my life and providing such love and support. You are all the wonderful and I am truly thankful.

Just call me Dr. Diaper

Holy! I have officially been inducted into the wild, wonderful and sometimes bizarre world of cloth diapers. If it isn't already in motion, I think parents should be handed some kind of honorary degree with their child for their educational training in cloth diapers.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of spending the afternoon at Moonsprout, the eco-friendly baby store in downtown Hilo, where I got the most thorough run down of the most modern cloth diaper options on the market today. I had a faint clue about this world as my sister has gone through the trails and tribulations of finding the right diaper choice, and it is a daunting task at best. It is wonderful to see that the cloth option has ample representation in the public consciousness. However, the choices are almost paralyzing, necessitating a personal liaison to guide you through these important and costly decisions.

Phil and I are totally on board with using cloth diapers and we are starting with a variety of types to find what works best. We have some prefolds with trendy, gusseted covers, we have the Fuzzibunz pocket diapers with ultra absorbent hemp inserts, and don't forget the All-in-ones which are more like a Huggies except washable and reusable. It's no wonder I walked into Moonsprout totally lost and left, hours later, feeling empowered and ready to go.

I really want to thank Geana, the owner of Moonsprout, for her time, assistance, and obvious passion for helping new parents embark on this very worthwhile, yet daunting mission of using cloth diapers.

I have to laugh as I write this, for even though I feel good about what we have learned, and the choices we are making, I can't help but wonder "Is this what my life is about now? Waxing philosophical about baby poop?" Oh well, I guess there is nothing to do but embrace it full on, and hope for the best!

The Bradley Method

Phil and I started a birthing class a couple of weeks ago and we are really enjoying it. I think we will also take the hospital's birthing class, but right now we are enrolled in a class that teaches the Bradley Method. The Bradley Method is designed for couples who will birth in either a hospital, birthing center, or home environment and it emphasizes ideas such as good nutrition, stretching and relaxation, and partner-coached birthing techniques.

It is a super small class, just the instructor, Phil and I, and one other couple. It is small and intimate and is held at the instructor's house out in Leilani estates on Saturday afternoons. Phil and I have complete two classes so far and are both excited about the education we are receiving. We get assigned homework for the week and Phil has been really good about making sure we do it.

One of the assignments is keeping a nutrition log with the emphasis on protein intake. The goal is 100g of protein a day which I have not yet reached! Keeping the log has been tedious, but it has really brought our eating habits into focus. We were eating well before, but now we are much more conscious of how we get our protein, iron, and calcium, making sure we are eating leafy greens and root vegetables and all the good stuff. I think Phil has taken it as his personal mission to make sure I am eating right. This, of course is a huge bonus, as it means Phil has been doing a lot of the shopping and a majority of the cooking! Today had got 63 g of protein - getting there!

Our other essential homework are stretches and exercises. Phil reminds me every chance he gets to do my Kegel exercises (150/day), squat when I need to bend down and then we practice some other stretches before bed. One thing I really like about this program is that it really involves the partners in the process. I think Phil has gotten a sense of purpose and direction in terms of how he can best play his role in the pregnancy. He takes his job seriously!

Other than that Bean is well and kicking! I am definitely growing and becoming increasingly awkward, but that is alright! I am practicing yoga and walking and just trying to make the next couple of weeks of school and work fly by as easily as possible!

In love with my nephew

It's official, I am head- over-heels-in-love with my nephew!

Kiernan Addison Boyd is the most adorable bouncing baby boy I have ever met ( that may be a biased statement!) and I have had a great time with him and his mom and dad (sister Betsy and brother in law John) over the last couple of days.
Kiernan is quickly approaching 6th months and it boggles my mind how active and engaged he is in his world. He has a contagious smile and giggle that commands attention and he is now rolling over, scooting across the floor and bouncing around like crazy.
I spent Friday and Saturday nights with Betsy, John and Kiernan at their home in Rosemount. Friday morning brought about 6 inches of snow to Rosemount and so we packed up the baby and went hiking in Lebanon Regional Park. It was so beautiful tromping around in the fresh snow. We put Kiernan in the backpack which I eagerly volunteered to carry and went out for a nice 45 minute hike. It was so much fun!!!!
On Easter Sunday we went back over to my parents house for dinner and Kiernan was all dressed up in his Easter duds. He looked so cute, but we joked that he looked like the second coming of Orville Reddenbacher or the Music Man.
I am so excited that this little man is my nephew, and that he is going to have a cousin coming around the corner. I envision them being best buds, sharing some of life's land marks together like starting kindergarten, getting drivers licenses, graduating, and on and on.
I love you Kiernan and I cant wait to see you again soon!

I Heart MN!

I have been back in the midwest for a few days now and I am having a blast with friends, family, and Minnesota March.

As winter is winding down, I know many people think I am crazy for being so enthusiastic about being back in the crisp cool air. Admittedly, it is not the prettiest time of year in MN, but I am enjoying it all the same. I went up to Duluth with Laurel on Monday for a quick overnight, and was rewarded with a beautiful 4 inches of fluffy snow which transformed an otherwise grey and brown landscape into a fresh, white, winter wonderland. I was in heaven for about 6 hours until it melted all away!

Last weekend I was blessed with 3 baby showers! On Saturday, Phil's family honored me with a really beautiful gathering. Thank you Meaghan and Maddie for orchestrating such a fun time. We played some games, had a delicious brunch, and decorated onesies with puffy paint and stencils. One of the games we played was estimating how big I am using toilet paper. For the number of squares over my actual size, I was given that number of compliments or advice. I got some pretty good advice, some of the most memorable included:

1. Enjoy every minute because it goes so quickly

2. Don't stress out about the dishes and the laundry, spending time with your little one is the top priority

3. If the baby feels like it is coming out of your butt, don't worry, it WILL come out the right hole!
After all the fun with the Bonin's, I continued over to Becky's house for shower #2 with the Minneapolis ladies. A big hug and thanks to Molly and Meaghan for planning and organizing the event and thanks to Becky for hosting. It was wonderful to reconnect with friends I haven't seen or been great at keeping in touch with, and I appreciate you all. The theme of the shower was children's books and so each guest brought me their favorite book from childhood. Some of the highlights included classics like "The Giving Tree", " Richard Scary's Mothergoose Stories", " When You Were Born", " Goodnight Moon" and a bunch of new books that I am excited to explore.
On Sunday, I was blessed with shower #3 at my mom's house hosted by my sister, Betsy. This was a very exciting event for me because I got to meet my nephew Kiernan for the first time! He is so adorable! It was great to see family: grandparents, aunts, and cousins, and Betsy put together a great spread and fun activities. The theme was bees and honey, which I love, and Betsy made these great parfaits that looked like bees - so creative!
The weekend was a great welcoming back to MN. Thank you everyone who came to support me and my little bean. I feel blessed to have such amazing women in my life to lean on.

Having Fun! - Weeks 24 and 25

The past couple of weeks have been a lot of fun! Last weekend we held the Hilo Hat Draw Ultimate Frisbee Tournament and both Phil and I were busy helping organize and orchestrate the event. Phil had played in the Kaimana Tournament the weekend before in Oahu, but I had opted to stay back as I don't think I am up to tournament play. I was okay with my decision not to go, but definitely found myself having a little pity party when everyone got to play and I was left at home.
The Hat Draw, however, was right up my alley and provided a much needed opportunity for fun. At the start of the weekend I was skeptical about how much I would be able to play; with the amount of rain we have had over the previous weeks I hadn't been as active as usual.
Saturday, day one of the tournament, proved to be a gorgeous day in East Hawaii. I was introduced to my teammates (yellow team) who were all awesome people and supportive of me playing. I wasn't sure how the running and jostling would feel on my abdominal and groin muscles so I devised a little system to hold it all in which involved an ace bandage. I could not have been more pleased with the results. I played way more than I had expected and felt great doing it. It took me a while to adjust to my changing body - timing my throws and jumps, and I definitely played a calmer game, but I felt so great on the field, in the sunshine, and in the company of old and new friends.
I feel like playing in the tournament also gave me an opportunity to bond with Bean and become more acquainted with my new body. I was very aware of my activity making sure to drink lots of water, stretch and rest between points, and get plenty of nutrients during the day. I had a kind of dialog going over the weekend with Bean, checking in, making sure I felt good so he would feel good, and giving him time to rest and relax.

So now, at the end of week 24 I am feeling more comfortable with my growing self, having fun getting to know this moving, kicking, playing being inside of me, and accepting my limitations while finding ways to still enjoy the activities that I love.