Breastfeeding is Beautiful

With one week left of maternity leave, I look back over the last 8 weeks and realize that breastfeeding has been one of my favorite parts of being a new mother. Not that it has been easy; the sore nipples, immobilization, and sometimes isolation from social settings, but overall it has been a wonderful, beautiful experience.

My favorite time to nurse is at night. With the crib against the bed, midnight feedings consist of simply rolling over, pulling him out of his crib, and laying him next to me. Most of the time we fall asleep right there next to each other, and it isn't until hours later that I wake up and put him back in his crib. I love cuddling next to him, rubbing his back and fine hair, and in the mornings just gazing at him. It is truly a peaceful time.

Over the weeks, I have become a more brave and less modest breastfeeder in public. I have to thank my community of friends for being so supportive and helping me to feel comfortable. Being able to feed around them without worry of scrutiny has helped me be more brave in public spaces when they are not around. My biggest public challenge to date would have to be our shopping trip to Walmart. It was busy as usual, and we were moving so we had a lot of little things to get for our new apartment. August had done really well throughout the shopping experience until the very end when he got hungry and started wailing. I was going to take him out to the car to nurse, but when I got to the door and looked out the window it was a torrential downpour outside. So now with a screaming baby in a busy store I had to find a place to nurse. I found that the opthalmology department was fairly quiet, so I snagged a chair and brought it to the corner for a little privacy and a view out of the store where I could see Phil when he passed. I was still very much in the public eye, and whipping out my breast was strange and embarrassing, but once we started nursing, and August was happy, I found that I didn't really care about anyone else. I had a little scarf with me that I used for some modesty, but clearly I was nursing. When I finished, and got packed up to go, I got some pretty serious stink eye from that doctor at the store. Apparently nursing in public still is a bit taboo, but he has no idea how helpful it was to have a spot to sit and nurse in the middle of a busy, hectic environment. So that, I suppose, was my initiation to nursing in public. I am glad for it, because now it doesn't seem like such a big deal.

Pumping presents a whole new dynamic to breastfeeding. It was hard for me to accept this technology as it reduces you to essentially cow-like status, but I have come to appreciate the flexibility it affords. I have been pumping for a couple of weeks now, stockpiling some for when I go back to work, and bottle feeding with the rest. We have gotten into a routine now where Phil takes August in the mornings, allowing me a few more moments of sleep, and feeds him from a bottle. The bottle feeding has been a little bit of a challenge, but for the most part successful. Pumping has also allowed me to have back a few moment just for me. I have been able to get back on my bike and take a ride as well as attend a few yoga classes. Next week will present a whole new level of pumping activity as I go back to work. I am nervous because it is one more thing to juggle in an already hectic schedule. I think I just need to make it a priority above all else, lock my door during morning and lunch breaks, and say "no" when needed. A friend suggested a strange contraption that I immediately ordered. It is a hands-free nursing bra in which the pump zips into the bra so you can pump while multi-tasking. This advice comes from a fellow teacher and mother who pumped when she went back to work, so I am excited to see what it will do for me.

Aside from some of the logistical challenges that breastfeeding presents, I feel extremely fortunate to be able to breastfeed August. The bonding time is real and palatable. It helps me practice patience and selflessness, and for that I am thankful.